The Crow's Nest

Sorry, but I have been on the flip-side of reality. My ailments have caught up with me and my world has gone flip-flop. Science knows so little about our physical being. But since our mind depends on this old body, then, when it skips a beat, the music is no longer uplifting and smooth. All in all, I feel like left-overs and my mind is in a Fog. As a consequence I'll leave you with this poem!!

Words

I sit myself down with pen in hand.
I throw around words, like so much sand.
I rake up my loose thoughts and rearrange them in lines,
In hopes I can salvage those lazy words of mine.

These thoughts cannot crystallize in my tired, rambling mind.
I need a calm quiet space then tranquility I'll find.
At last my thoughts do form a message bright and clear.
I now can write with ease to my friends, so dear.


Tis' raining like mad outside. Just like Oregon should be in the spring. The hot weather will get here all to soon. Good thing we live by the Willamette River which creates a cool breeze. Must go so Ta Ta.

I was looking at my dice the other night ( mine is made of stone but the markings are the same) and I began to think of who designed them. I never did find out who put the numbers on the dice. In Rome about 900 BC, archeologist found dice similar to the dice of today, with the opposite faces adding up to seven: 1:6, 2:5, 3:4.

Primitive tribes all over the world have gambled with dice of many shapes and markings. All have played dice games using plum and peach pits, pebbles, seeds. Antler, walnut shells. beaver teeth, or sea shells, yes even bones.

If I believed that my ancestors could guide me, I would use their bones and cast lots and see what they had in store for me. Ancient Egyptian religious writings mention dice games that are played by the spirits of the departed of the under-world.

The most likely originator of dice is the witch doctor. In early times, dice were magical devices used for divination. When the prehistoric priest or witch doctor threw the sacred arrows or sticks upon the ground and recited his magical spells, he read their futures.

The devintory throwing of sticks is the casting of the lots of Biblical times. Many ancient writers refer to the bundles of sacred twigs used by the Magi of Chaldea which is apart of Babylonia. The game of jackstraws can be traced back to this divination of throwing sticks.

I am reading about I Ching. At first it was a belief system then it was turned into a method of divination which one can use dice, coins or little slips of paper with the 64 hexagrams Anything can be used as a form of divination. The Hebrews who came back from Babylon used the Bible Code system for divination. It seems man likes to play God. In Adam and eves time it was the apple. I wonder if they used the seeds at all. Joke son! Just a joke.

I've sort-of been under the weather; therefore I have been experiencing a disturbed sleeping pattern. Last nite was a 'doozie'. In my dream I was in a room of which I was in residence. Whew! Was it ever filled with too many belongings. I remember a very large stuffed animal up on a shelf and I was relieved I didn't have to go around it. I was going somewhere but I didn't know exactly where, but I kept trying to go around everything that was lying around. I asked someone why they had saved so much. Then I continued pushing on and stumbling over everything.

At least the stuff was not on the bed for I did lye down now and then, since I really was in bed; that awareness kept coming thru. Finally, this struggling to wake up was coming to a realization. The people and the crowded room faded.

Then! I knew that nature was calling me. Boy, was I glad that all I had to do was cross the room and I was there. Not like when I was a child. We had to go to an outside building. I wasn't afraid of the darkness just what was in it. I was too scared to go out by myself so I would wake up my bed partner and she would go with me. I did the same for her.

After I got the message impressed on my sister's mind that I had to go to the little house, we started our decline down the stairs. The room at the bottom of the stairs had many a recess around it. We never knew what might jump out. We made it into the dining room and out on the back porch. After going down more stairs we were out in the open darkness. We jabbered a lot thinking that " the things that go bump in the nite" would stay away from us.

Finally! We were at our destination. I hurried and did what I had too, then we started back. It always fascinated me how the pathway was so much shorter on the way back to the house. We quickly were in the house and back upstairs. We had left the kerosene lamp on while we were gone so we wouldn't have to step into a room with unwelcome guests.

Since I was the agile one, it fell to me to blow out the light. You say why did I have to be agile. In case you have never been there, things live under the bed and as you come near they reach out and grab your leg. Well, I could jump pretty far and be out of reach of their arms. After executing my jump we were safely in our bed and we snuggled down and went back to sleep. Well, I am glad for little favors.

Now! What was that all about? (Pardon my long digression.) Well! After I got back in bed, I started thinking and wondering if maybe that dream of a cluttered room might represent my mind. Is it really that cluttered? Maybe there are things in my past, like a large stuffed animal, that needs to be discarded; enabling me to go on ahead. I guess I better do some mind cleaning. But first, I'll have to recognize and name the thought patterns. In my dream they were quite blurred. So here's to house cleaning. Oh my!

I heard that some people use a cookie cutter when making decisions. That is a friendly way of saying, they are ridged in their thinking. I suppose with a cookie cutter everything is clear cut and concise; therefore no discussion is needed. I think this way of thinking gives some people a sense of security.

If I was clever I could match up certain personalities and thought patterns with certain shapes. It tickles my ribs just thinking about it. Of course, it would be satirical. When I think of my political stand I wonder what shape it is? Do I have predetermined belief's.

When I was a teenager, I said I was a democrat just because my patents were. I took everything they said as gospel truth. I guess that my cookie cutter was a democratic donkey.

They say reading is knowledge but thinking is wisdom. I doubt much thinking is done with a cookie cutter.

Iv'e been under the weather for a time and a half so now i'm feeling my age. I do not bounce back like I use to do. Since I had to slow down I've had plenty of time to think. I'm like the 'old cat' in the Broadway play, 'Cats'. I go back to my memories.

My granddaughter loved to go to all the places I did. We would go to every yard sale we had time for. We also frequented the Good Will. But our best love was the Flea Market. It has an unique atmosphere. A different breed of people go there. I just felt at home with them. Going there was also like a treasure hunt. We never knew what we would find. Now that I don't roam a lot I go roaming in my memories. I can envision all the treasures to find. Aaa.........Memories.

I wrote a poem depicting what it would be like when I get even older. One must accept the inevitable. This is a scene played out by my granddaughter, Melissa and the elderly Grandma Ray - that's me.

Laps in Time

Grandma,could you put a string on your finger?
Then you could remember, I'll be here by two.
My dear, what if I forget what the string is for?
I know! I can write a note on a sheet of paper.

Grandma, will you know where the sheet of paper is?
If there is no reminder, you'll forget about the time.
My dear, I have it! Why not get me a bulletin board.
Then I can pin the message in plain sight to see.

Why Grandma, how is it that you are not ready?
Didn't you remember to read the note on the board?
No dear, the board looked like a picture on the wall.
Anyway, I was too busy and forgot all about it.

Grandma,would you like it if I were to surprise you
and come over by one-thirty in the afternoon?
Yes dear, that would be very thoughtful of you.
I love surprise visits, especially, if it's you.

I travel by public transportation, therefore I cannot go about in a personal atmosphere like as if I was in my own car. Some days I don't care for the intrusion, so I wear a head-radio. But there are some voices that come right through anyway.

With this continued rubbing up against other people, I notice a social trend; that congenial attitudes are losing ground. On a buss, one learns to push or you may not get off at your stop. "Out please" sometimes does not work. One must bear in mind that the driver has a schedule to keep, therefore you are on your own for getting off on time.

Listening to the conversations on the busses, there is one thought pattern that worries me; the mind set. The people I hear are getting less pliable. They settle on one attitude and stay there. No matter what is said. In my opinion, I think a mind set offers a certain kind of security. I know when I entertain a new thought and before I get adjusted to it, I feel "What do I believe anyway". It is an insecure feeling, but as time goes on the new thought pattern is filtered into my thought process and rest at last. Then I hear another good thought and I'm on the rocking sea again. I must keep my ship afloat so there are some thoughts I hang on to. They are my structure system; that what makes me, me.

Overview - I think the rats are winning.
Odds and ends - I'm getting better organized.
Weather - Warm rain.
Observations - Sunday is a quiet day.
Down beat - Had too many appointments this week.
Up beat - The following week I have but one appointment.

Well, I got adequate sleep last nite so now I'm feeling my 'oats'. That's when I get my 'bright' ideas. To bad I can't get a disk for my soul that is 'anti-sin'. Chuckle, chuckle..... But I guess that would not build 'character'. I would then get lazy and rely on that which is outside me. Maybe that is what conformity is. Relying on the structure of society or church.

Being me

The world of a child,
with all it's fantasy,
is a marvelous place to be
but for eternity.

I must leave behind
all my childish ways
and accept my responsibilities
in this world of mine.

Growing up is painful.
There is no easy route.
Even with the Lord as guide,
we must be tested and tried.